Trial Times

a lot of things happen during these few weeks. worries, anxieties all came for a visit at the same time. I guess they need each other's company.

the first one. Daddy Sam complained that he was having chest pains since one of the Fridays till the next day. he has got childhood asthma. so I reminded him if it is an asthma attack. he has not been having asthma attacks for a long time, so he said he cannot remember. to be safe, we decided to go to the A&E at AH. after some tests and an x-ray, the doctor informed us that he had a pneumothorax. in layman terms, basically there is a hole in the lung that is caused by a blister that had burst. thus the air in the lung escaped and trapped in between the chest and the lung. the trapped escaped air is called pneumothorax. this is more prevailing in tall and skinny males in their 20s to 40s. he fits that category perfectly.

I was worried sick. I messaged my MIL about that and asked her to help to look after Ariel. thank God for my MIL, that I do need to worry about Ariel. I waited with him at the hospital to get the trapped air out and inflate the lung again. he did not wish to stay there overnight. so we went home at 9 pm plus (we were there since 3pm). The next day we went back for make sure that the pneumothorax did not grow in size. I thank God again for that. I know that this is His working to make Daddy Sam realise how important it is to stay healthy. he is willing to finish his dinners and start to eat breakfasts as well.

the second one. Ariel's turn to not feel well a week after the first incident. she was having low-grade fever for 4 days. super cranky and sticky to my MIL. refused to eat. in normal times, we already have problem feeding her. we suspected a lot of things, from teething to fake measles to the lump of dunno-what on her tongue. we brought her to see the NUH children emergency on Sunday after I saw the lump of dunno-what. the doctor did a check and found that there are some ulcers at the back of the throat. she does not have any blisters on her hands and feet. so the doctor ruled out HFMD. moreover she is not in any child-care centres, it's quite impossible to catch that.

I was really worried and it does not make me feel any better when she wants my MIL instead of me. she did not even want me to carry her. I understand that she will stick to my MIL because she is the main care-giver and at least she sticks to her, someone related by blood. I still feel a tinge of sadness when she stretched out her arms for her when I was carrying her and willingly gave her a peck on the cheek without prompting when she rejected my request for it. I was the one who carried her for 9 months. I was the one who went to through the labour pains. I was the one who endured the pains after the labour when the effects of the epidural wore off.

AND in addition to that Daddy Sam had a fever of 39.4 degree on Monday when he came back from work. my heart just sank. I was at the verge of breaking down. but I can't. I asked God what did I do that all these things happen. is it something that I did that He put the suffering on my loved ones? I prayed and searched for answer. It's a trial to make my faith stronger, and now I realised how He felt when His children whom He loved so dearly turned away from him; when I turned away from Him.

Daddy Sam's fever went away, Lil Ariel going back to her normal self (and even started to drink her most hated formula milk) when I told Him that I will trust Him whole-heartedly.

my faith in Him has grown stronger. and I pray that it will continue to grow.